Updating

ok sooo last time I wrote I went with Raven to New City Suberbs well since then my friend Amanda came in from Edson on Sunday and we hung out all day and went shopping... Monday woke up extremely sick with a cold so didn't go into work... but did go to the Addition-Elle interview and possibly got the job but only if do not get job at Galaxyland which was the interview today... keeping fingures crossed cuz as soon as get job there will give two weeks at liquor store... decided to quit bitching about job and do something about it even though mom is bitching about it again... love christmas but this year Laurie is possibly doing christmas afterward and might be going to moms unless I am asked to work and if that is the case then I will work because I love mom dearly but just know there will be a blow up if I stay there for more than one night... well I should go to bed soon... although probably wont sleep well due to cold...

later
Callie

Tonight and Fear?

So I finally let my friend Raven convince me to go to New City Suberbs and it was ok... the music good... the people interesting... I was doing ok... then it got busy and Raven kept taking off to see his friends and such (which was ok) and I started to feel clausterphobic and paranoid again... maybe this is why I haven't gone to any dance clubs since I moved here? I hate crowds and people... its all I can do to go to work... its all I can do to speak to people... I need to get over it... I know I do but its just so damn hard... I'm finding myself drawn deeper and deeper into my own world... it's not healthy and I'm sure I could overcome it if I just knew how... I suppose it would also help if I got over this damn problem of not believing people are sincere when they complement me... after all I know I'm not pretty and I know I am ugly but people always contradict me in that sense... I am learning though... when they pay me a compliment I have started to say thank you and leave it at that after all people hate it when you argue with them when they pay you a compliment... well thats all for now will write later

Sick of the Bullshit

At work the other day I informed a customer that he could not smoke in the entry way to the store and he proceeded to call me everyname in the book all of which started with the word fat... how I now loathe that word... I may not be skinny in fact I may in fact be very larger but I am sick of the constant reminders... the constant insults... my mother uses this term to me... Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you... well the proper term should be Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will scar you for life... I started overeating back in school because I had no friends and was constantly made fun of soo I know it is my own fault I'm overweight but it is also the fault of all the asswholes and sluts who told me I was fat even when I was only slightly overweight... so my message to you jerks is this... before you call another person fat just remember that we do not have thick skins but thinner ones that you make thinner with every insult you make... also if that makes you want to insult us more then we could always just sit on you, you know....

later
Callie

PMS

OMFGoddess... feel like killing... finally got my rag after 3 months and bitchy as hell... everything pisses me off only thing keeping me sane is music... can't sleep again and missed another day of work... just really depressed again... thinking about how my life is going no where and how I cant lose weight and having no boyfriend going on 2 years.. guys see my fat body and run the other way except for certain guys and I know this sounds shallow and hipocritical but I don't want to date an overweight guy... for more reasons than one first of all if any of you are overweight then you'll understand that it is hard to have sex with a guy just as big as me or bigger... but anywho... thats all I'm gonna bitch about today
later
Callie

What To Do Now?

Sooo I'm really hating my job and would love to get a new on but wouldn't you know it the boss gives me another raise... dang now I would feel really bad if I quit... ahhhhhhhhhh.... sorry had to let that one out... watching dirty dancing right now love the movie... have you ever felt like you were in the middle of a soap opera but not actually in it? well I do right now... all this shit going on around me but none of it involves me... guess I'm just nosy and and cant keep out of other peoples buisness... well gotta go movie heading to REALLY good parts

later
Callie

Halloween and Beyond

soo on halloween I got ready and went to a party in a cold garage... I finally got to try absinthe and I got soo drunk... I told my friends ex-girlfriend off because she was acting like a spoiled little brat and needed it but apparently even though she told me she would get help and take my friend Raven as a friend and realize he doesn't love her, she is telling me that they made up even though he's got a new girlfriend and says that they didn't which I am inclined to believe him because he has never lied to me and promises that he will never lie to me... but on to other things... I was sitting at the Kingsway Transit Station and saw this girl I thought I knew and turns out I did... It was an old friend named Amanda Allen we used to hang out all the time and I hope we keep in touch this time... I dont know if I can stand work much longer... I hate it... I hate dealing with the drunks and the slowpokes and the assholes... I wish that I could go back to school or get a new job I would truely love... well thats it for now

Later
Callie